I have to be honest with you, learning how to stop comparing yourself to other people is a very, very hard thing to do.
It’s not something that you learn one day and just stop doing the next day. It is a slow process of growth and self-realisation/ self-improvement.
It’s not just about stopping being jealous of others or looking at what other people have but being content with what you already have.
Here are some simple, actionable steps you can take to stop comparing yourself to other people, and be grateful for what you have.
How To Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People
You’ve completed your degree and now you’re applying for jobs. You even did some work experience during your summers, so you’re expecting those job interview invites to roll in to your inbox. But one week goes by, two weeks, and then a whole month, and nothing comes save for two rejection emails (out of the dozens of jobs you’ve applied to).
Or it could be that you’ve been working for many years and now you’re stuck in a rut. You don’t really enjoy the field you’re in anymore but you don’t know what you’d get into if you did leave this field.
Maybe, you do know what field you want to get into next. But, that would mean you’d have to start all over again. But, you have bills to pay, and even then you don’t really want to be earning entry-level pay at this point in life.
These situations (as well as countless others) are realistic situations that happen to people all the time.
Yes, some people find the career they’re ‘meant’ to be in and work their way up. They earn loads of money, have a lavish car, and swanky house, and everyone oos and aahs when they hear what they do.
That only makes you feel more worse about your situation. But, why?
What is your passion?
Is it the field you’re in? (education, law, the arts etc.)
Is it the money? (You feel peace and security working in a high paid job)
Is it because you feel like you’re supposed to do it? (familial expectations, personal expectations)
Why are you spending five days out of your seven precious days commuting back and forth to this workplace?
If you can come up with reasons why you are working in this place that benefits you, that’s all that matters.
It may be because you’re a generally anxious person but your work environment makes you feel comfortable and not stressed.
It might be because you feel challenged by your role in a satisfying way even though most people would say the pay isn’t fantastic.
It could even be because you worked hard for this role and can now enjoy the luxuries of life because of your high salary.
All in all, if it works for you that’s all that matters.
If you are content with what you have, focus on that. It may be that being in that swanky job that your friend has that you think is so much better than yours would actually stress you out or wouldn’t make you happy.
Take action
Sit and think about it. Brainstorm. Do a personality test. Think about what would make you happy.
In order to learn how to stop comparing yourself to other people, you need to be honest with yourself and ask those deep questions.
And then, rather than comparing (which will just make you wallow in despair), take action.
Apply for that course, do some volunteering in that field, write a guest post for a website.
That feeling of satisfaction you will get because you know you’re working hard for what you’re personally passionate about is so invigorating, it will make you forget about what others are doing and just let you focus on you.
If you’re still confused about what to do, then look to others for motivation. If you are able to, ask for advice.
Don’t let your pride get in the way of you asking for help. Learning how to stop comparing yourself to other people involves being able to appreciate (rather than compare) that others may be further along than you are, and one of the smartest things to do if this person is in your circle is to get some advice.
Give to charity
Just like you compare yourself to someone who you think is in a better position to you, the people who are less fortunate do that with you.
What do you think these people would compare between yourself and them?
Would it be that you have a nice car, and they don’t? That you can go to the high street and buy designer clothes and they can’t?
The things they would more likely be comparing is the fact that you have a stable home and they don’t, that your children or siblings can go to school without harassment, or that you can have your three meals a day whereas they can barely get together even one.
Part of the process of learning how to stop comparing yourself to people is to look at all the privileges you have. You are so blessed, so be grateful and give back.
Learn basic financial skills
Throughout school, you’re taught about Shakespeare’s plays, trigonometry, and why some people have blue eyes even though both their parents have brown eyes (it’s from recessive genes right…?)
But, what they fail to teach you are simple skills like money management, how to save, how to invest, how to be smart with your money or even how to be confident.
The problem with this is that many people – when they get their first pay checks – get so excited that they don’t know where their money is going to and before they realise it overspending, under saving, and overlooking unnecessary payments becomes a habit.
Money management
Look through your bank statement in the last month and break down how much you put in your savings and what you spent (including what you spent on). Then, set yourself some saving and spending goals to work on.
As well as this, read articles and books on how best to manage your money. This will hopefully help you better your saving and spending habits but also make you aware of any potential investment opportunities.
If you are someone who wishes to make a career change but are worried about financial repercussions, doing a deep dive through your spendings, savings and bank statements will help you figure out how to manage your money should you take that leap.
Start small
As with everything, start small. Set bite-sized actionable and achievable goals that set you up for success.
The keyword here is ‘achievable’ – don’t set yourself goals and tasks that you know you will fail at (either because you don’t have the knowledge to complete it yet or it’s simply too big of a task).
Start off small and then increase the difficulty or number of your tasks as you achieve more and become consistent.
Falling off at the beginning will only make you more likely to return to comparing yourself with others quicker, so it’s best to start strong.
Practice self care (How to stop comparing yourself to other people)
In a world of contradictions, we are told that we should love our natural selves – our bodies, hair, skin – while at the same time it’s fine to get fillers, Botox and other injectables.
You have beauty vloggers and influencers telling you that your thin lips are beautiful while they have bi-annual top-ups of lip filler. Or you have social media trainers telling you you can get their bodies if you do their specific workout, but it’s not working because you just don’t have the same body type as them.
Think about all of those celebrities that have been in and out of rehab despite seemingly having everything in the world.
This is why it is important to practice the self-care that is important for your self, and also why comparing yourself to others is completely pointless. Even the people who have everything in this world have issues, just like you and me.
There are many many opinions on what is right and wrong, what is beautiful and what is not but the true source of strength is when you take those opinions, rule them out and create your own definition of what is good for you.
Learn to accept your inward and outward self, even your flaws (so that you can learn and move on from them). It is only by accepting that you can become a better person.
Check these posts out on self-care tips that you can use, or click on the links below!
Journal Prompts For Self Love (18-WEEK CHALLENGE!)
Ideas For Self Care When Driving Alone (Easy & Life Changing!)
Creative Hobbies For Adults That Will Take You Back To Your Childhood!
Remove people off social media
Another way for h0w to stop comparing yourself to other people is to take physical action when you can to stop it. So much of comparing yourself to other people is a mental thing so if there are things you can do to limit the effect of that, do it.
For example, unfollow accounts that make you compare your life to theirs in a negative way.
If they make you feel empowered that’s great, but if every time you go on their account you think about all the problems in your life, just delete them.
Instead, create a Pinterest account and create vision boards of things you want to achieve in your life. This will motivate you to do the things you want to do (as they are a number of pictures from different people) rather than make you feel down that you don’t have a specific life of a specific person.
Do what’s in your capacity
The crazy thing about comparing yourself to others is that during the process of you wanting some aspect of their life, you have no idea how they actually feel inside, what their journey was to get there and what kind of person they really are.
The only thing you have are your own thoughts, history and personality.
Why yearn over someone else’s life when you feel your own emotions and you can’t feel what you think they are feeling.
Treat yourself as the main character of your life. Don’t be the side character in someone else’s story. Treat yourself the way you want the main character of your favourite book or show to be treated – you want them to succeed, you want them to have support.
So, give that to yourself!
To understand how to stop comparing yourself to other people, realise that a story has a beginning, middle and end with a bunch of conflict and resolution thrown in. This is how everyone’s life is, not just yours.
In Islam, we believe that everything is pre-destined. Everything that will happen in our lives has been written out.
So, all there is to do is literally just to wait it out and see what happens.
Your strengths might be someone else’s weakness
The person you think has a perfect life may find it difficult dealing with mental health whereas you may be able to handle tough situations better.
They might have fancy things but in reality they are in a lot of debt, whereas you are well on the way of paying your debts off.
The point is everyone has strengths and weaknesses. No one is better than you and no one deserves something more than you.
It is about the effort you put in and also, how much you give back.
Wish the best for others even if you think they are better off than you, and don’t let jealousy cloud your vision.
Everyone was created for a reason. You have your own special, unique reason that you are the way you are and you are in the position you are in.
Make the most out of your individual situation and strive for your goals, as well as giving back for the betterment of the world.
Be kind to yourself
You will also move at a different pace to others whether that’s getting a job, getting fit or even getting married.
Be kind to yourself and take advantage of the time you have now. The grass is always greener on the other side no matter which side you stand on.
Learn to appreciate the now and make the most of it.
Here are some positive affirmations you can say to yourself every morning to ensure that you make the most out of your day.
Islam
This is probably the only area in life where it could actually be good to compare. Comparison when striving to do good in Islam is good.
The Sahaba (Prophet Muhammad’s pbuh companions) used to be in constant competition with each other to see who could do more good deeds. (1)
For example, Umar (ra) came with half of all that he owned and gave it to the Prophet (pbuh) to donate to charity. When asked what he left for his family, Umar replied that he had left half of what he owned for them. He thought no one could beat him, including Abu Bakr (ra) who he was always competing with to do good.
Abu Bakr came and gave everything he owned to charity, stating that Allah and his messenger (pbuh) was all he and his family needed when asked the same question by the Prophet (pbuh).
Ultimately, the best way to learn how to stop comparing yourself to other people is to understand that this life is temporary.
Don’t just think it, understand it.
At a time which you don’t know – at the time of death – all your wishes, desires, hopes, dreams, anxieties, suffering, troubles for this world will not matter. What will matter will be the deeds you committed while you lived there.
Focus on being a productive Muslim rather than a productive worldly person and do the deeds now that will save you in the grave and in the hereafter.
The four things that protect you in the grave are: (2)
Your prayer/ Salah that guards your head.
Your fasting that protects you from the right.
Your Zakat that protects you from the left.
Your voluntary charity (Sadaqah, good actions towards family/ community as well as other good deeds) that protects you at your feet.
At the same time, repenting for past sins will increase your self-awareness and allow you to focus on bettering yourself.
How To Repent A Sin (As a Muslim)
How To Repent Our Sins (Including a Step-by-Step Guide)
How to stop comparing yourself to other people
Work on perfecting these good deeds and not only will you be set up for success in the hereafter where everything truly matters, but you’ll find that your anxieties, worries and comparisons fade away in this world too by the Grace of Allah (SWT).
Links Used:
(1)
Abu Bakr (ra) – Part 2: Setting His Own Standards | The Firsts | Dr. Omar Suleiman (youtube.com)
(2)
Four Guards Protecting You From Grave Punishment By Shaykh Dr Omar Suleiman (youtube.com)
