Do you often find yourself feeling anxious, unsure or indecisive about making a decision?
Do you feel the need to ask someone else’s opinion of something before you make your own mind up?
When you’re standing in a group of new people, do you feel really uncomfortable and feel like you want to leave as soon as possible?
All of these issues relate to confidence and more specifically, self-confidence.
There’s no medicine, pill or formula to make you more confident overnight.
Building self-confidence begins by making small changes in the way you act and treat yourself. After you successfully master self-confidence, this will lead to independence.
And you may ask why self confidence is important. Apart from dealing with above scenarios with more authority, having self-confidence can help you achieve anything.
Yes, anything.
I will prove this to you during this three part ‘Self confidence & Independence: the foundations of success,’ series.
I’ve also written another series called the, ‘Mind Glow up’ series. In the first part, I focus on self-love, and show you ways to increase your love and respect for yourself.
In the second part of the ‘Mind Glow up’ series, I focus on self-development. This one is my personal favourite and I would recommend it for those of you who already appreciate who you are, and now want to grow and develop to maximise your potential.
In this Self confidence and Independence series, I will be going through several ways to become more confident, and overall become an independent person by focussing on 5 key areas of your life:
- Personal
- Relationship with others
- Mental and physical health
- Finances
- Achieving dreams and goals
This post will be focussing on your relationship with yourself (number 1), and in the second post, I will give you tips on gaining self-confidence through mental and physical health, and with your relationship with others (2+3).
In the final post (4+5), I will be showing you how to build your confidence when dealing with finance and achieving your goals.
Relationship with yourself:
1. Do some self-reflection
Get out your journal, diary, notebook or even think about this on that 1 hour train ride you take to work every day.
Really think about your life as it now; think about your likes, dislikes, your habits, your dreams, aspirations, your health, your future etc.
Basically you want to do a brain dump (which is why writing it down is probably the best thing to do) of everything you can think about in your life.
Then, think about what areas of your life you think could be better. It can be as big as thinking about whether your current career choice is right for you, or as small as thinking that you want to get out of the habit of having snacks late at night.
If necessary, go back through your writing and highlight things that you find important and that you want to change, strengthen or eliminate.
By doing this, you are firstly completely focussing on yourself. You are confronting the different areas of your life and this will begin your path to achieve self-confidence.
2. Identify strengths and weaknesses
Again, you can do this in a list or just simply think about it; write down at least 5 strengths you have and (for lack of a better word), 3 weaknesses.
The reason I’m saying to think about 5 strengths and 3 weaknesses is so that the weaknesses don’t overwhelm you.
And you might be thinking ‘psshht, I have way more weaknesses than I do strengths.’
But you really don’t.
You probably have strengths that you have overlooked but they are there and you should be letting your strong points shine rather than your weak points drag you down.
Looking at yourself in this way inspires confidence and independence – you focus on the best parts of you and identify the areas that need a little work.
I also want to highlight that when I say weakness, I am not telling you that you are weak (especially if you think you have loads of weaknesses). I mean it as a part of your life that has the potential to develop.
Focus on your strengths and be proud of yourself for having these attributes. Then think about how to better your weaknesses and strengthen your strengths.
Once you have identified this, try to work on your weaknesses in a real life setting.
For example, if you are very shy when talking to new people but are completely yourself around your friends; why not take your friends with you to an event with loads of new people and try and socialise?
Doing this makes you deal with that weakness you have full on and forces you to get through it.
It is a pretty ruthless way to get over your fears but it really works.
3. Limit negative self-talk
‘I wish I was prettier,’
‘I would never be able to do that,’
‘They would never want to hang out with me.’
Negative self-talk is the bane of your miseries, I am telling you. I’ve heard stories of 16 year olds becoming managers at offices or people who don’t have the right qualifications getting $80k+ jobs, just because they had the belief in themselves that they could do whatever they want if they just put their mind to it.
Now, I’m not telling you to go and become a doctor without any qualifications, never do that. But I’m telling you that at times, it is your lack of self-confidence that stops you from reaching your full potential.
Speak to yourself as if you are your own best friend, and watch how far you soar. You’ll be able to accomplish things that you never would have thought you could do before.
And if you don’t believe me about being able to do literally anything if you just believe in yourself, please watch Catch me If you Can, (based on a true story)and then come back to me.
4. Don’t beat yourself up when something wrong happens
Mistakes happen, no one is perfect.
Rather than wasting time beating yourself up about it; look for the solution and start fixing it.
This post is perfect for you if you’re the type of person who regularly gets stressed out. We all have experienced that intense feeling of stress at one point in our lives, so I created a post to show you how to deal with stress.
But, it is also important to know that bad things happen all the time; people get fired, expensive things get stolen and friendships end.
In the end, if you have the determination and confidence to pick yourself up you can get through it all, and even learn something from the process.
5. Learn how to take care of yourself when you’re feeling low
Having loads of junk food after a bad day does not need to be a bad thing; you don’t need to be that person who has a magical transformation after something bad happens.
It is okay to be upset, heartbroken or even feel low. Everyone goes through these emotions, and the way you react to it shows how strong and independent you are.
If you know that stuffing your face and watching a movie is what you need to do when you’re feeling low, do that. Do not feel pressurised to be completely okay after you’ve had a rough time.
Some great movies to watch are Studio Ghibli movies; the great thing about them is that they really help you relive that feeling of being an 8 year old getting excited to watch a new episode of their favourite show.
Knowing how to take care of yourself in your lowest points is where true self-confidence and inner strength presents itself because, you are in control of yourself and you know what to do to make yourself feel better.
6. Have some ‘me’ time
Designate some time for yourself every week whether it be one hour or a whole day. No matter how extroverted you are, it is important to be comfortable with being alone.
If you experience the whole ‘fear of missing out’ (fomo) thing, and you find yourself going to places when you’d rather be doing something else, just stop going.
Understand that inner peace and being content with your own company is an essential step to being independent.
7. Learn to say no
Too many people learn that saying no is okay, too late.
Make yourself the priority; if you do not want to do something, it is completely okay to say no, and if the people you hang around with can’t take no for answer then maybe it’s time to make some other friends.
This is not being harsh; the line between knowing what friends are good for you and which are not is that the friends that are good for you, even though they may initially nag you to come out, will eventually understand that you have priorities (or other things you want to do).
The friends you don’t need will dismiss your other plans and will not try to understand your reasons for not wanting to go out.
8. Do not settle
An independent and confident person knows their worth, they know what their hard work should amount to, and they know how they should be treated.
Do not ever allow yourself to settle for anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, that you feel is not worthy of your time, or is just downright bad for you.
Have realistic expectations that are achievable; this doesn’t just relate to the expectations you have for other people/ things. Make expectations for yourself.
If you know you are capable of creating that dream business in the future but you just settle for a retail job because you think you can’t create the business successfully or you can’t be bothered to do it, you are settling.
Never let yourself settle for something because you don’t feel your worthy enough, or because you haven’t made the effort for it.
Everyone has the potential, and not enough people make use of it.
A positive relationship with yourself is the first and most important factor you need to gain self-confidence and eventually, independence. Create a home in your mind and feel comfortable with your thoughts, opinions and who you are.
Check out the next part of this series, showing you tips on bettering your relationship with others as well as bettering mental and physical health.
It might not be as obvious, but having better relationship with others is essential for self-growth and self-confidence. The second part of these series will show you that, and will give you some actionable ideas to complete that you haven’t thought of before.
